Traffic School Adventure.

Did y'all know that traffic school is online now?

I went to traffic school when I was 16. I had an accident with my 1973 VW Bug (gosh that was a cute car, but what a drag, always falling apart or making a funny noise, the repairs I'm sure totalled up to more than the worth of the actual vehicle) and the demerits I received made traffic school necessary.

It's a hazy memory, but I recall sitting in an uncomfortable chair for 5 hours or so, with the other losers, being yakked at by some bitter cop who probably got demoted to this sorry duty.

Apparently all that has changed. I was caught speeding coming out of the Hoover Dam area (honestly, I was probably going just as fast as everyone else; look, if you'd been stuck on that freakin' dam you would have been speeding too, it took probably an hour to make a seven minute journey, but I'm actually lucky, the ticket was for travelling 68 in a 45, good thing none of the badges were around one hour previously when I was going 100+ in a 65 zone, I guess I deserved what I got) and a Boulder City cop pulled me over. I was super sweet to him (did everything I was supposed to, hands on the wheel, no sudden movements, called him "sir") but he gave me a ticket anyway. I was surprised; usually I can sugar my way out of tickets. My theory is that Las Vegas needs less city money than Boulder City, where there is no gambling revenue. I called some lawyers (did you know that there are lawyers here who can "fix" tickets for you? You pay them 50 bucks or so and they can get the charge reduced to a non-moving violation; it's a thing of beauty) but, alas, the only one who handled B.C. charged more than the fine itself.

So I opted to pay the fine ($202!!) and do the traffic school thing. It's online. It still takes probably 5 hours, but you can break it up and finish it at your leisure. In fact, I'm doing it right now. You see, you are required to read each page for 3 minutes (it times you) but the site has no way of knowing if you have another window open at the same time (which I do). I read fast and the end-of-chapter tests are really easy. Because it legitimately gives me an excuse to be on the internet, I would almost go so far as to say that it's fun.

Almost. But not quite.

Maybe I'm overly critical.

So, here's something I was ruminating about. If a person you respect has a belief that you find offensive or ridiculous, do they lose your respect?

Here's why I'm askin'. I know this highly regarded therapist who does wonderful work and has really helped alot of people. Nice lady too. Recently I happened to spend some time with her. At one point she pulled out a pendulum and had people use their "energy" to move it (she was HOLDING it). Another time I saw her doing a TAROT CARD reading with someone.

I was quite dismayed by these incidents. This is someone who has knowledge of how the mind works, who uses this knowledge in her career, who makes a living by using the skills taught in the fields of psychology and counseling. And then she says the deer card signifies that you should be gentler with your inner shaman, or something.

But maybe the two belief systems aren't necessarily inconsistent. Bill Clinton cheated on his wife, but most people thought he was a decent president. I've met skeptics who are also Christians.

At what point do you throw your hands up and cry hypocrite?

The wisdom of supermodels.

The Wisdom Of Supermodels.


I did not compile this list myself, but I found it disturbing/interesting enough to share...

1. ON COURAGE: "They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, 'Oh my God, I have to beso brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind.'" -Cindy Crawford

2. ON POVERTY: "Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery." -Beverly Johnson

3. ON FATE: "I wish my butt did not go sideways but I guess I have to face that." -Christie Brinkley

4. ON SELF-ESTEEM: "I loved making 'Rising Sun.' I got into the psychology of why she liked to get strangledand tied up in plastic bags. It has to do with low self-worth." -Tatjana Patitz

5. ON ARRIVING: "Because modeling is lucrative, I'm able to save up and be more particular about theacting roles I take." -Kathy Ireland, (star of'Alien From L.A.')

6. ON PRIORITIES: "I would rather exercise than read a newspaper." -Kim Alexis

7. ON INNER STRENGTH: "I love the confidence that makeup gives me." -Tyra Banks

8. ON TRAVEL: "I haven't seen the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the Louvre. I haven't seen anything. I don't really care." -Tyra Banks

9. ON BREAKTHROUGHS: "Once I got past my anger toward my mother, I began to excel in volleyball andmodeling." -Gabrielle Reece

10. ON HEREDITY: "My husband was just OK looking. I was in labor and I said to him,' What if she's ugly?You're ugly.'" -Beverly Johnson

11. ON THE BASICS: "It's very important to have the right clothing to exercise in. If you throw on an oldT-shirt or sweats, it's not inspiring for your workout." -Cheryl Tiegs

12. ON PARADOX: "Sometimes I get lonely, but it's nice to be alone." -Tatjana Patitz

13. ON TRAGEDY: "The worst was when my skirt fell down to my ankles but I had on thick tights underneath."-Naomi Campbell

14. ON INSTINCT: "If I'm making a movie and get hungry, I call time-out and eat some crackers."-Carol Alt

15. ON OCCUPATIONAL HAZARDS: "I tried on 250 bathing suits in one afternoon and ended up having littlescabs up and down my thighs, probably from some of those with sequins all over them." -Cindy Crawford

16. ON ECONOMICS: "I don't even wake up for less than $10,000 a day." -Linda Evangelista

17. ON THOUGHT: "When I model, I pretty much go blank. You can't think too much or it just doesn't work."-Paulina Porizkova

18. ON DEPRIVATION: "If they had Nautilus on the Concorde, I would work out all the time."-Linda Evangelista

19. ON MOTIVATION: "It was kind of boring for me to have to eat. I would know that I had to and I would."-Kate Moss

20. ON VERSATILITY: "I can do anything you want me to do so long as I don't have to speak."-Linda Evangelista

Birthdays.

Birthdays are pretty cool. If nothing else, they give one a chance to be taken out to eat by friends and family. And free presents!

The strangest part of the day itself is looking in the mirror and thinking, "Gosh," (I don't really think in terms of the word 'gosh' but you know what I'm saying), "I've had this body for thirty-six years" or "I've these these teeth for thirty years."

How many hours of TV have I watched in my life? I wondered in italics. How many good deeds have I done? How many pounds of sugar have I eaten?

Probably alot.

Although I never would have predicted this particular destination, the bottom line is that I'm very happy with where I have landed in life. But the truth is that this is not the final destination by a long shot. It's a point on the journey.

Or a pit stop, for you NASCAR fans.

Hungry.

I'm kinda hungry right now. But I don't feel like getting out of my computer chair and making something to eat. I hate that.

Literally.

Don't you hate it when people misuse the word "literally"?

It makes me want to slap them in the face, throw Jello at them, and make them watch Battlefield Earth over and over again. Literally.

Suing for lost time.

I love frivolous lawsuits. They're just so damn entertaining.

Author James Frey wrote a drug and alcohol memoir called "A Million Little Pieces". It later came out that many of the "true life" anecdotes from the book were exaggerated and inaccurate.

Now, readers are suing Frey and his publisher for time they lost while reading the book.

Oh, great stuff. Imagine the possibilities! Can I sue the DMV for time lost waiting to register my car? How about time lost waiting on hold on the phone? What if I go to one o' them sales pitch meetings and decide I don't want to buy their product. Can I sue them for the time I spent listening to them? Perhaps even for the gas I used driving over there.

God bless America.

Night Jen.

Help!

I'm a night person stuck in a morning person's life!!

What the (sputter sputter). How did this happen?

Sundays suck.

Drew Carey's All Stars.

I saw Drew Carey's Improv All Star show last night, thanks to the comping skilz of a very dear and generous friend.

Impressive stuff. I had heard that some of the "Whose Line" show is edited to make it look funnier than it actually is, so I was prepared to see some weak moments. Well, if the editing rumors are true, it is probably done in the spirit of matching the energy and excitement of on-the-spot creation.

Ryan Stiles is quick witted and masterful. He is truly one of the great improvisers of the genre. He has a way of creating hilarity while still staying true to his scene and partner. Greg Proops was the proverbial silver tongued devil, providing light banter and hosting skills when needed.

One happy surprise was relative newcomer (to me) Jeff Davis. I'm a sucker for talent, good looks, and Chris Walken impressions. Davis had it all and more.

I was disappointed with the female performers. Kathy Kinney, known for her annoyingly aggressive secretary character in the defunct Drew Carey Show, asked lots of questions and relied heavily on the other improvisers for content and funny. In general I thought the guys in the group were much stronger than the women.

It is annoying to me that with such awesome female performers out there, Drew Carey made the choice to cast so-so gals. Women in such a high profile show may unfavorably color people's images of women and comedy.

Oh well. We will always have Sarah.

Fun with subtitles.

Bombay TV is the shiznit.

The Bad Dudes

Cowboys In Love

A Pet Peeve.

I hate when middle aged women use the term "Peace-out".

Friday the 13th.

Here is a site that has way too many methods of bringing bad luck to yourself. Some are familiar: spilling salt, walking under ladders, breaking mirrors. Others are considerably more unconventional: watching a new moon for the first time through glass, wearing opals, and sitting on tables.

Does anyone actually believe this claptrap? Seriously, if I tried to not do all of those things, I would never find the time to read my daily horoscope, visit my psychic, and chant voodoo love spells over my Greek evil eye amulet.

Forget it.

Flaky.

I wish there was a way for me to make a snowflake without all the messy cutting and paper bits.

Like on the internet, for example.

Wait a minute!!

Those classes...

...that I was so worried about, that I wrote 2 term papers in one night for?

A, and A-.

Der. Imagine if I had really tried. Then I might have gotten 2 A's. Whoop.

I'm so done with grades. They're a punchcard. A forehead stamp. Maybe it's that whole midlife crisis thing we talked about before, but I'm over getting my next degree. I quit. I went to the UNLV online registrar and cancelled my spring classes. I'm not doing it. I will have more time in the evenings and I will save about a thousand bucks too.

A great weight is lifted from my shoulders.

Happy New Year.

As jaded and cynical as I have become, I can't help but feel a little excited at the beginning of a new year. It feels like a fresh start...time to try new projects. My favorite new project has always been reinventing myself. I'm selfish that way.

This year I plan to lose some weight, be a better friend, and do more of what I love to do.

I'm rethinking the whole master's degree thing, because it takes up so much of my time. It would mean a salary increase and an ego boost; the elitist in me likes having more degrees than other people. But teaching isn't my only true love. I want to have more time for self selected reading, doing improv, painting, writing, exercise. Since I'm starting to figure out that this is my only life, I have to make time for these activities somehow, and the way to do that is to cut out some other activity. Plus, university credits are not cheap.

I would love to cut out the activity of "work". Employment is the bane of my existence. Just think of how much time we would have to pursue happiness if it weren't for that dreaded job.