Traffic School Adventure.

Did y'all know that traffic school is online now?

I went to traffic school when I was 16. I had an accident with my 1973 VW Bug (gosh that was a cute car, but what a drag, always falling apart or making a funny noise, the repairs I'm sure totalled up to more than the worth of the actual vehicle) and the demerits I received made traffic school necessary.

It's a hazy memory, but I recall sitting in an uncomfortable chair for 5 hours or so, with the other losers, being yakked at by some bitter cop who probably got demoted to this sorry duty.

Apparently all that has changed. I was caught speeding coming out of the Hoover Dam area (honestly, I was probably going just as fast as everyone else; look, if you'd been stuck on that freakin' dam you would have been speeding too, it took probably an hour to make a seven minute journey, but I'm actually lucky, the ticket was for travelling 68 in a 45, good thing none of the badges were around one hour previously when I was going 100+ in a 65 zone, I guess I deserved what I got) and a Boulder City cop pulled me over. I was super sweet to him (did everything I was supposed to, hands on the wheel, no sudden movements, called him "sir") but he gave me a ticket anyway. I was surprised; usually I can sugar my way out of tickets. My theory is that Las Vegas needs less city money than Boulder City, where there is no gambling revenue. I called some lawyers (did you know that there are lawyers here who can "fix" tickets for you? You pay them 50 bucks or so and they can get the charge reduced to a non-moving violation; it's a thing of beauty) but, alas, the only one who handled B.C. charged more than the fine itself.

So I opted to pay the fine ($202!!) and do the traffic school thing. It's online. It still takes probably 5 hours, but you can break it up and finish it at your leisure. In fact, I'm doing it right now. You see, you are required to read each page for 3 minutes (it times you) but the site has no way of knowing if you have another window open at the same time (which I do). I read fast and the end-of-chapter tests are really easy. Because it legitimately gives me an excuse to be on the internet, I would almost go so far as to say that it's fun.

Almost. But not quite.