The Producers.

Okay, it was great. I LOVE total Broadway cheese...the top hat, the exhilarating key change at the end of the song, the way the dancers walk stylishly down the staircase, one stair at a time...step, kick, step, kick...the overdone melodramatic way that the actors burst into song for no reason. I love, love, love, that crap.

The Producers started as a 1968 film, written by the incomparable Mel Brooks and starring Gene "Best Willy Wonka ever" Wilder and Zero Mostel. It became a Broadway musical in 2001, and the 2005 movie is based on the stage version.

Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick reprised their stage roles as Bialystock and Bloom. During the first 20 minutes of the film I was mildly annoyed, because it was so obviously..."stagey". It was more like watching a play than a film: over-the-top dialogue, stagey blocking, obvious physical comedy (to the point of shtick), and single camera editing. After a while my head kicked into "stylized effect" mode and it was all good.

Nathan Lane is amazing. He has the most incredible energy, especially for a zaftig 49-year-old. Wow. He is a consummate performer; you can really see how comfortable he is in this genre. Roger Bart as Carmen Ghia stole every scene he was in.

I was a touch disappointed with Uma Thurman. She has the perfect look, and her acting was good, but it's pretty obvious she's had no vocal training. Especially when she was supposed to belt it out. Oh well. I don't suppose anyone was looking at her vocal chords in that scene, anyway.

Ah, to have two or three or ten lives. Then I could travel every path.

Billboard Album of the Year.

The Billboard Music Awards named 50 Cent's "The Massacre" as their 2005 album of the year. Here is a list of the official winners.

I've got to be honest here; I am not familiar with the compositions of Mr. Cent. So I found the lyrics online to the songs from "The Massacre".

Here is a sample from the award winning album:

This is 50

I got a hit ya, its ya trigger finger, n**** its a killa in me not to spray that sh*t
I got enough ammo shots to blow I up a hole in every mothaf**** out this b*tch
I unload then reload, when you get hit I supposed you gon' be strong enough to take this sh*t
I'm in the hood ridin' round with a chrome fo' pound, can you see thru the windows see tints
I do dirt, the gat bussa, get to kickin' up dust, 'fore the jakes come around here kid
n****s get knocked if they start askin' question, my name end up in all types of sh*t
I be a gangsta, a n**** till I die fo' sho', whether I'm poor or I'm filthy rich
Now what you know about movin' that ?? and flake for that cake, I get rid of them bricks

I don't know what you take me for
I don't really play that sh*t
I ain't got to get you hit
I get out myself and spray that sh*t

Inspiring. Truly an artist at work here. I especially like the way he cleverly rhymed "sh*t" with "sh*t".

Thanksgiving Eve (calm before the storm).

The holidays are supposed to be merry and bright, yes? But we all know they're not. We catch colds, get depressed, overeat, and feel pressured to buy awful marked-up presents.

A while back, I explained to my family that we shouldn't get each other Christmas presents that year. I reasoned that we would all break even and therefore be able to save money and buy what we liked. My mom coldly refused to talk to me after that. Since this is her usual response to me initiating an idea she doesn't agree with, I didn't think much of it. Therapy has helped a bit.

My point is, the traditions are so fixed that even if you try to escape, peer pressure to maintain the status quo is there to squash you back down like a bug.

Here are some tiny steps, which I have found successful, to relieve some of the holiday blues:

Resolutions.
Make your New Years' Resolutions in November, before Thanksgiving. Since every resolution ever made involves being thinner in some way, mental preparation before the holidays is key. It is a preventative measure against gaining holiday weight, and you beat the January gym rush.

Bad food/Pushed to overeat.
Eat really slow. Tell your mom/grandma/auntie that you already tried the dish that she is pushing on you, that it is so good you couldn't possibly take another bite. If she forces it on you, mush it around in your plate so that it is spread out in a thin layer. Then, scrape into sink/feed to dog/hide in napkin or mashed potatoes.

Dysfunctional parents.
Nod politely. Agree with whatever they say ("Yes, you're right, I should be married/have kids/have a better job/be saving more money/be a better mother/have bought a house by now. Oh, why did I not take your sage advice before??"). Then smile sweetly. Many times, by not defending yourself you will render them stupified. Hopefully, they will soon pass out from intoxication anyway. A little chloral hydrate in their eggnog couldn't hurt either.

The Getaway.
Invent a reason to leave as soon as possible. An in-law's party, work function, or pretend sickness usually will do the trick. Have a friend call you on your cell with a fake emergency. Make sure you return the favor.


I am strangely at peace so far. Wish me luck at mom's tomorrow.

10 things I dig about San Francisco.

10. There is something interesting to do every night.

9. Art and culture are participated in and embraced, not ridiculed.

8. 4 words: BAY AREA RAPID TRANSIT.

7. The ocean.

6. Northern Indian mutter paneer, soup in Chinatown, Ethiopian injera bread, and Dim Sum, all within a 2 mile radius.

5. Most of the locals are pleasant (when they aren't crazy and homeless).

4. Fresh seafood, scooped right from the ocean onto your plate.

3. No indoor smoking!

2. You can walk for several miles and be deliciously comfortable with a simple light jacket.

And, the number one thing I like about the city by the bay...

1. You can walk for several miles and pass 10 coffee bars, and none of them is a Starbucks.

Back to Vegas tomorrow. Pit-y.